The ‘pregnancy plan‘ – we all know how that worked out!

You might not have baby #1 yet but you already know your pregnancy plan for baby #2. You plan to try for your second baby as soon as you pop out your first! Maybe even when your first is 4 weeks old, if possible. Your husband disagrees. He may want to wait a few months before trying for a second but you are taking no chances this time – you will try to expand your (imaginary) family as soon as possible. You might not even have told him your plan yet. Why get him nervous now?

We all had a pregnancy plan that has since gone astray – your initial pregnancy plan was: married for 2 years, start trying for a baby before you hit 30, quit your job after maternity leave and maybe start for baby #2 or #3. This pregnancy plan obviously did not work out as planned which is why you feel the pressure to start baby #2 before baby #1 is even here.

No doubt, we just love hearing our friends or co-workers ‘pregnancy plans.’ A friend is waiting until the summer to try to conceive because she doesn’t want to be pregnant for her sister’s upcoming wedding. Another is starting to try this spring so she and her best friend can be pregnant at the same time. You roll your eyes (secretly) every time someone tells you their ‘pregnancy plan.’ You may try to point out that sometimes things don’t go as planned but they cannot understand. It’s true. You did not understand way back when you announced your ‘pregnancy plan,’ probably to someone who secretly rolled their eyes as well.

Next time someone tells you their ‘pregnancy plan,’ tell them the truth: if you get pregnant within 6 months, you are incredibly lucky. Otherwise, just crush their dreams early on and give them a membership to our infertility club.

Somewhere along the way, someone told you that you had to be ashamed of infertility.

Somehow it became deemed not okay to discuss our fertility struggles in public as it might make others uncomfortable. Somehow, you were told that you should be embarrassed if you cannot conceive on the first attempt. No one told you that there are millions of women out there like you and that you don’t have to feel so alone.

You might feel that your new ‘online fertility friends’ know more about your problems than your real friends. You might have one or two close friends who actually know what you are going through but the majority of your relatives and friends, have no idea. You visit this site and other fertility sites quite often and you post comments using fake names like “Fertility Groupie,” “IVFer,” “WishingforBaby” or “TTC Gal.” Some of you refuse to post comments in fear that someone you know will recognize you so you try to appear anonymous as possible.

You would never even consider putting a real picture of yourself (I can relate to that) because that would be unheard of. You are very impressed when others use their real names and pictures of themselves, broadcasting to the online world about their infertile problems. Personally, I am not at that stage but I am so impressed by those who have the courage, and not the fear, to share their struggles openly and honestly. The good news is that if you do want to comment on my blog, you can always comment as anonymous or just use a fake name. If you do decide to use a fake name, make sure it’s creative and fun!

Some great alias’ might include:
- ‘Toilet Paper Examiner’
- ‘Swollen Breasts Girl’
- ‘Metalic Taste Gal’
- ‘IVF Virgin’
- ‘PCOSex’
- ‘Imagine-your-Name-was-Actually-Aunt-Flow’
- ‘High on (folic) Acid’
- ‘Wishing-for-Morning-Sickness-Girl’
- ‘Clomid-User’

Hey anonymous- What’s your best fake name?

What did he really think it would be like? Hugh Hefner’s mansion?

If you are similar to me, you have at LEAST two pregnancy books by your bed. You probably have a few books that have to do with your pregnancy like “Your Pregnancy: Week by Week” and a few other fun books about infertility like “What to Expect Before You’re Expecting.” These books are somewhere hidden in a drawer in your night table (on top of the unused box of condoms from 2002) or scattered under your bed away from sight. You don’t really want guests finding these books one day.

You love reading the pregnancy books but you ALWAYS turn to the “trying to conceive” & “infertility” chapters first. You find that you are not ready yet to read the chapters about actually being pregnant. You love reading these books just before bed or laying in the bathtub. Your husband is use to this already, and you might have even tried getting him to read a book about male infertility. He skimmed the chapters, stopped cycling so much, and now you have him on a multi-vitamin that seems, at least, to be making him healthier in the winter.

You have picked up these books at the local bookstore or at the library, always a little embarrassed to purchase them from the cashier especially the books called “A Woman’s Guide to Infertility.” We don’t have anything to feel ashamed about but we still don’t want to talk about it in public, and definitely not to the librarian who gives you a sympathetic nod. Sometimes you just browse the bookstore for hours and flip through those books without actually buying it.

You look around the bookstore cautiously to make sure you don’t run into anyone while you read these books.

If you do run into someone, this is what might happen:

Friend: “Naomi? Is that you?”
You (hiding a book about ovulation and vagina’s), nervously “Oh hi. What are you doing here?”
Friend smiling: “I’m looking for a pregnancy book. I just found out I’m pregnant!”
You (monotone): “Congratulations.”
Friend: “Are you pregnant too?”
You: “I just remembered, I have to go.” (Unsure of what to say, you throw your ovulation and cervical mucus book on the floor and run to the bathroom where you cry for at least 30 minutes. Your entire day is ruined).

Hopefully that hasn’t happened to you but I bet it will.

Yes, we love those pregnancy books. We will be so excited when we finally stop turning to the ‘infertility’ section first and actually read the pregnancy portion. Until then, enjoy your reading, there is a lot of information out there and we know it, at least, helped a few people.

It is one week before your expected period and you truly believe that your breasts will tell you the answer. You give your breasts a better examination than a doctor giving a mammogram.

First, you check yourself out in the mirror to examine those boobies in all their glory. Your right breasts seems to be heavier than your left breast. If you had a produce scale in your house, you might try to weigh them (Do you?? Keep that to yourself). You think to yourself that your breasts seem more tender and sore than usual. You believe this is an early pregnancy symptom for sure. Your right side is definitely more tender. You quickly google “tender breasts one week before period.” You find a slew of google answers and a couple of tell you that you ‘might be pregnant!’ You may ask your husband if your breasts look larger. He takes a look but doesn’t give you the answer you want to hear. He thinks they look the same.

Yah for those google doctors!

You have never examined your nipples so much in your life. You check your nipples for color: are my nipples looking a little too brown or a little too pink? You swear that your nipple looks different. You also google “darker colored nipples, early pregnancy symptom?” The google doctor tells you again you might be pregnant. You love this doctor!

But then you get your period. Your stupid period.

Don’t worry, next month you will fall for the same trick again and examine your breasts to no end. How do I know this? My breasts feel heavier and more sore this month and I have done all of the analyzing above.

Your friend tells you that she got pregnant ‘by accident.’ You heard that another friend wasn’t even trying and she got pregnant. A co-worker forgot to take her birth control and she got pregnant. Another just coughed, and she got pregnant with twins. Well, congratulations! We are so happy for you.

What in the world is an ‘accidental pregnancy?’ How is that even possible we wonder.

We have all heard stories about someone getting ‘accidentally pregnant’ but everyone who is having trouble conceiving knows accidental pregnancies cannot exist. My co-worker claimed ’she wasn’t even trying’ when she drank too much one night and ended up pregnant on the first time. A few years ago, the condom broke for us and that did not result in an ‘accidental pregnancy.’ It resulted in us purchasing better quality condoms (although we all wish we threw out those condoms years ago).

For us infertiles, the correct definition of accidental pregnancy actually means:

trying to conceive naturally for a year without any luck, then going to a fertility doctor, then enjoying all those internal tests, forcing your husband to get an uncomfortable sperm test (no, it’s not like you see in the movies), then trying fertility drugs mixed with sticking needles in our butts, then paying $20,000 for fertility treatments and then FINALLY after 6 years, getting pregnant only to go onto have secondary infertility.

That, my friends, is the real definition for ‘accidental pregnancy.’

We all do it each morning.

You get out of bed and sit on the toilet while taking your basal temperature. The directions say that the best time to take your temperature is first thing in the morning before any activity. You now know your temperature to the exact decimal. It’s sad really.

You know you’ve ovulated but you continue to take your temperature each morning. You feel so elated when you see your temperature spike; and when it begins to drop, that’s when you do whatever it takes: it’s time to trick the thermometer!

You might try to take your temperature at different times of the day when you know your temperature will be elevated. You take it after a bath, after a workout, or stepping out of the shower. In the morning, you may just decide to take your temperature and pee at the same time. Congratulations! Your temperature is elevated!

You may even decide to remove the thermometer from your mouth when you notice things aren’t going your way. The thermometer seems to be increasing too slowly which means your temp is dropping. Remove the thermometer now and keep your sanity! Do yourself a favor and stop taking your temperature each morning. You should know by now when you ovulate (or don’t ovulate).

That pink thermometer won’t get you pregnant so go stick something else in your mouth.

I will not include a picture in this post – I want to have a family-friendly blog.

You just ‘knew’ that you would have problems conceiving before you even started. You had heard it might take a few months but you truly thought it would take you no more than 4 months. Guess what? You were wrong!

You knew early on that you were going to have problems based on your (secret) examination of his sticky white substance. Does he have low sperm count? You had wondered to yourself. You had casually checked out his ‘liquids’ on a few occasions; and you might have even compared it to your ex-boyfriends to ‘come’ to your conclusion: your hubby has low sperm count. You had remembered your ex’s being more plentiful but you don’t mention this to your hubby. You are just privately worried.

At the time of the discovery, you had no medical background to support your hard (o.k soft) findings and you were definitely a non-experienced sperm examiner, but on some level you knew. You just knew. A wife always knows.

I bet this never even crossed your mind on your wedding day (although you sort of wished it did)!

Dr. Phil loves her and the media goes crazy over her. Nadya Suleman, the single mom of 14 children made international headlines when she gave birth to octuplets through IVF while having 6 small children at home already. I have to admit, I was privately envious of her and thought to myself that I would love to have that many babies (although realistically, I’m sure I wouldn’t). If you don’t happen to know who she is (which you should), visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nadya_Suleman

Controversial or not, I am willing to admit I was envious of the Octo Mom.

Am I alone on this?

Is this you? It’s the weekend right now and you have been looking at fertility sites for over an hour! You are on THIS site right now which means you know it’s true!

Hopefully, it’s not first thing in the morning when you should be sleeping late or getting your morning (decaf-but-wish-it-was-regular) coffee ready. Your husband is probably still in bed and you are googling all your early pregnancy symptoms. You might have all the same symptoms as some stranger on a Yahoo site but face it, the computer can’t tell you if you’re pregnant. Stop it right now! You just spent all week at work on the computer. Enjoy a stress-free weekend!

Please get off your computer, go back under the covers and then treat yourself to a yummy, high-fat breakfast.

I’m not sure if this has happened to you but it happened to me!

I am one of those (nosy) people who read my Facebook “friends” walls. I am always on alert for those “congratulations” messages which typically means someone is pregnant. Recently, a friend wrote “congratulations” on my wall. She was congratulating me on a new job but I didn’t elaborate, allowing those nosy friends to come to their own conclusions. If they happen to think I’m pregnant, it’s not really my fault, is it?

Admit it… You have been ttc for months or years. In the back of your mind you wondered what it would be like if you tried to maximize your fertility by having multiple partners in one month. You love your husband very much and you would NEVER act out those secret thoughts but it has crossed your mind briefly.

If I had sex with my ex-boyfriend, co-worker and my husband during one month would I get pregnant? Thoughts are okay but it does show that we might be a little too obsessed with baby-making. Of course, you would have to explain to your husband why the baby doesn’t look like him. Ladies, let’s keep our thoughts to ourselves.

Anyone want to admit it?

Wiping yourself has never been so complex! What color is it?

You always examine that toilet paper and ask yourself questions like “Is this really my period?” or “Is this just spotting?” Sometimes you’re sure that the coloring is just too pink or too brown to be your real period. Your husband might walk into the bathroom as you are wiping and inspecting – don’t bother explaining, he doesn’t really understand.

You also look for spotting prior to your period. Once, I thought I saw blood a week before my period and was very excited, until I realized that it was blood from shaving my legs.
Who can relate? Show of hands?

Personally, I hate taking pregnancy tests because they all have been negative. At the beginning of “trying,” I felt excitement when I bought that pregnancy test and even took many tests 4 days prior to my expected period. ALL NEGATIVE! For those people (like myself) who have been trying for awhile, the pregnancy test always leads to disappointment so I have a love/hate relationship with those expensive tests.

Of course, sometimes I can’t help myself and buy one anyways. Here are my list of uncomfortable places where I took a test:

1) My friend got a positive result when she bought her test at the Dollar Store. I bought one and took it at the mall.
2) On a vacation in Australia, in a bathroom at Victoria Market.
3) A couple times at work, sadly.
4) My mother-in-law’s house. Always remember to wrap up the test in a lot of tissue or it could lead to much embarrassment (this is from personal experience).

This by far is probably my worst place and I should have waited until I got home…

5) An airplane bathroom! First of all, these bathrooms are probably the most unhygienic place there is but it was a long flight and I couldn’t wait. I was grumpy the rest of the flight.
Where is the worst place you ever took a pregnancy test?

Have you done this? It’s a friend’s party and know that people are wondering when you are going to start “trying” but they won’t ask. You make yourself feel better by wearing a baggy shirt, allowing people to jump to their own conclusions. I personally have a few “let’s-pretend-I’m- pregnant” t-shirts for family events. You secretly find it nice when you notice them looking at your shirt. If people want to believe you are pregnant, you won’t correct them. It’s unhealthy, yes, but if it makes you feel better, go for it!

How many fake pregnancy shirts do you own? You know those shirts that seem to be baggier than necessary….Be honest.

You have been to enough fertility web pages to understand what “TTC” and “DH” mean. If you can understand the below dialogue, you are on the right web page right now.

Woman 1: Are you ttc?
Woman 2: Trying IVF for SI.
Woman 1: We had a D&C after ICSI.
Woman 2: PCOS?
Woman 1: Yes and AF arrived today.
Woman 2: We had 3 IVF’s and 6 BFN’s.

Now, if you can understand the below, you should win a prize.

Me 42, DH 52 IVF #1, #2, #3 ICSI #4 – 10.05.2006, 12.12.2006, 10.03.2007, 27.07.2007 ICSI/DE/TESA #5, #6 PGD/IVIG #7 – 24.11.2007, 27.02.2008, 23.05.2008 – 7 BFNs
Surrogacy/FET #8 – 15.10.2008 – BFP

Can anyone translate?

You have been waiting for those 2 magical days a month – ovulation days! You get prepared to seduce your partner tonight, you wait for him to get home…. He calls you to say he is going out tonight with the boys. IS HE KIDDING? You have been waiting for those magical days all month – those days that give you the smallest amount of hope, and he won’t be around. I also love when he is ‘too tired.’ Too tired? Isn’t he the same guy who begged for sex while you were dating? Oh, he is having sex tonight, I’ll tell you that much.

Has this ever happened to you?

You really miss the occasional glass of wine or cool sip of beer. Let’s face it, you have been ttc for months or years and you could really use some alcohol. But you don’t, just in case. You might slip up and have a sip on occasion. But in general, you are as sober as they come. Now, when you get your period, it is the best time to drink or get drunk.

Be honest, do you get drunk when you get your period?

Your fertility doctor’s phone number is number 1 on your speed dial before your own mother’s. It probably doesn’t even need to be on your speed dial as you have it memorized.

Who knows their fertility doctor’s phone number off by heart? Show of hands?

You just love it when relatives or friends ask you when you are going to start trying for a baby. You usually put on a fake smile and answer “we’re not sure” or “hopefully soon,” and hope that someone changes the subject.

But come on, you know what you really want to say – “Well Aunt Selma, we have been trying for a baby for months, nothing seems to be happening and now we are on the waiting list to have IVF so hopefully we can oneday have a baby. We may be childless and infertile for the rest of our lives, for all we know. But thanks for asking.” Do people just forget how difficult it is to conceive?

What was your best response to this question?

You thought for sure you were pregnant this time… You are three days late and you decide to use a public restroom only to find your stupid period has arrived. You spend a few minutes sobbing quietly in the stall, wipe your tears away and slowly walk back to the table, pretending nothing has happened. You mention your breakdown to no one until you get home and sob to your partner.

Note: you may have also sobbed in the other following toilets: the gym, a friends’ house, work (definitely work), shopping mall, an airplane, the list goes on and on…

Google is our best and most trustworthy friend. There has been several times when you googled all your pre-pregnancy symptoms in hopes someone in cyber space would confirm your pregnancy. If you haven’t googled your symptoms, you are not a true infertile!

Your popular google searches: “ovulation, basal temperature, infertility, tender breasts, dark nipples, low sperm count.”

You know it’s true and we won’t tell…