The ‘pregnancy plan‘ – we all know how that worked out!

You might not have baby #1 yet but you already know your pregnancy plan for baby #2. You plan to try for your second baby as soon as you pop out your first! Maybe even when your first is 4 weeks old, if possible. Your husband disagrees. He may want to wait a few months before trying for a second but you are taking no chances this time – you will try to expand your (imaginary) family as soon as possible. You might not even have told him your plan yet. Why get him nervous now?

We all had a pregnancy plan that has since gone astray – your initial pregnancy plan was: married for 2 years, start trying for a baby before you hit 30, quit your job after maternity leave and maybe start for baby #2 or #3. This pregnancy plan obviously did not work out as planned which is why you feel the pressure to start baby #2 before baby #1 is even here.

No doubt, we just love hearing our friends or co-workers ‘pregnancy plans.’ A friend is waiting until the summer to try to conceive because she doesn’t want to be pregnant for her sister’s upcoming wedding. Another is starting to try this spring so she and her best friend can be pregnant at the same time. You roll your eyes (secretly) every time someone tells you their ‘pregnancy plan.’ You may try to point out that sometimes things don’t go as planned but they cannot understand. It’s true. You did not understand way back when you announced your ‘pregnancy plan,’ probably to someone who secretly rolled their eyes as well.

Next time someone tells you their ‘pregnancy plan,’ tell them the truth: if you get pregnant within 6 months, you are incredibly lucky. Otherwise, just crush their dreams early on and give them a membership to our infertility club.

Somewhere along the way, someone told you that you had to be ashamed of infertility.

Somehow it became deemed not okay to discuss our fertility struggles in public as it might make others uncomfortable. Somehow, you were told that you should be embarrassed if you cannot conceive on the first attempt. No one told you that there are millions of women out there like you and that you don’t have to feel so alone.

You might feel that your new ‘online fertility friends’ know more about your problems than your real friends. You might have one or two close friends who actually know what you are going through but the majority of your relatives and friends, have no idea. You visit this site and other fertility sites quite often and you post comments using fake names like “Fertility Groupie,” “IVFer,” “WishingforBaby” or “TTC Gal.” Some of you refuse to post comments in fear that someone you know will recognize you so you try to appear anonymous as possible.

You would never even consider putting a real picture of yourself (I can relate to that) because that would be unheard of. You are very impressed when others use their real names and pictures of themselves, broadcasting to the online world about their infertile problems. Personally, I am not at that stage but I am so impressed by those who have the courage, and not the fear, to share their struggles openly and honestly. The good news is that if you do want to comment on my blog, you can always comment as anonymous or just use a fake name. If you do decide to use a fake name, make sure it’s creative and fun!

Some great alias’ might include:
- ‘Toilet Paper Examiner’
- ‘Swollen Breasts Girl’
- ‘Metalic Taste Gal’
- ‘IVF Virgin’
- ‘PCOSex’
- ‘Imagine-your-Name-was-Actually-Aunt-Flow’
- ‘High on (folic) Acid’
- ‘Wishing-for-Morning-Sickness-Girl’
- ‘Clomid-User’

Hey anonymous- What’s your best fake name?

What did he really think it would be like? Hugh Hefner’s mansion?

If you are similar to me, you have at LEAST two pregnancy books by your bed. You probably have a few books that have to do with your pregnancy like “Your Pregnancy: Week by Week” and a few other fun books about infertility like “What to Expect Before You’re Expecting.” These books are somewhere hidden in a drawer in your night table (on top of the unused box of condoms from 2002) or scattered under your bed away from sight. You don’t really want guests finding these books one day.

You love reading the pregnancy books but you ALWAYS turn to the “trying to conceive” & “infertility” chapters first. You find that you are not ready yet to read the chapters about actually being pregnant. You love reading these books just before bed or laying in the bathtub. Your husband is use to this already, and you might have even tried getting him to read a book about male infertility. He skimmed the chapters, stopped cycling so much, and now you have him on a multi-vitamin that seems, at least, to be making him healthier in the winter.

You have picked up these books at the local bookstore or at the library, always a little embarrassed to purchase them from the cashier especially the books called “A Woman’s Guide to Infertility.” We don’t have anything to feel ashamed about but we still don’t want to talk about it in public, and definitely not to the librarian who gives you a sympathetic nod. Sometimes you just browse the bookstore for hours and flip through those books without actually buying it.

You look around the bookstore cautiously to make sure you don’t run into anyone while you read these books.

If you do run into someone, this is what might happen:

Friend: “Naomi? Is that you?”
You (hiding a book about ovulation and vagina’s), nervously “Oh hi. What are you doing here?”
Friend smiling: “I’m looking for a pregnancy book. I just found out I’m pregnant!”
You (monotone): “Congratulations.”
Friend: “Are you pregnant too?”
You: “I just remembered, I have to go.” (Unsure of what to say, you throw your ovulation and cervical mucus book on the floor and run to the bathroom where you cry for at least 30 minutes. Your entire day is ruined).

Hopefully that hasn’t happened to you but I bet it will.

Yes, we love those pregnancy books. We will be so excited when we finally stop turning to the ‘infertility’ section first and actually read the pregnancy portion. Until then, enjoy your reading, there is a lot of information out there and we know it, at least, helped a few people.