This is a question we all seem to ask very frequently.

An infertile asking a fertile: “How did you know you were pregnant?” Or “What does it feel like to be pregnant?” When you were first TTC, you asked this question repeatedly to anyone who was showing: a co-worker, your friends, the woman at the gym. It was a time where it was exciting and new to be thinking about babies.

After a while, the question wasn’t as fun anymore but you still inquired anyways. You were just selective on the answers you wanted to hear. You liked when women said that ‘they had no idea they were expecting. They had no pregnancy symptoms’ or that it ‘felt just like they were getting their period.’ Those answers have you hope. You rationalized that if someone didn’t have any symptoms, you might be pregnant too.

Other answers were not as inspiring. You were not fond of the women who answered ‘I just knew right away’ or ‘I had a dream I was pregnant’ or even ‘I felt different.’ Those answers never gave you hope. You had the (very) occasional dream that the pregnancy test was positive or that you were pregnant, but AF always showed up a few days later.

By now, you might have stopped asking this question. But sometimes, in a weak moment, you will still ask Google, hoping to get an answer you want to hear.

I know you are enjoying reading all of these reasons to laugh at infertility. But has it crossed your mind, that one day, Infertile Naomi will get to reason #1 and you still won’t be pregnant?

I have thought of the very same thing. But mine is, what if I get to reason #1 and I’m not pregnant either?

The good news is that I’m not leaving this blog. I do plan to get knocked up (when is that happening, again? I didn’t get the memo), and I will still be here to finish all nine hundred and ninety-nine reasons to laugh. I hope we all never forget what it feels like to have trouble with infertility – in the moment, it may feel awful but in the long-run, wherever our paths may lead, we will be stronger and more sensitive women because of it, and maybe we can help other ‘infertile newcomers’ feel less alone too.

Just remember, after our first pregnancy, we can probably look forward to secondary infertility as well!

Awww… the grandparent guilt trip.

Depending on whether you have a sensitive mother, you might get the ‘will I ever be a grandmother’ talk. Your mother might say it directly to you or you know that she is chatting about it to all her friends. If she is aware about your fertility struggles, than dear old mom should really keep it quiet. I have a great and sensitive mother but I don’t know about the rest of you.

The great grandmother guilt trip is even worse. Since your grandmother probably doesn’t know about your infertility struggles, she will always say that she will be ‘in her grave before she gets a great grandchild.’

You know what granny, you may be right! But I promise I will bring your great grandchild right to the grave site.

Your grandmother probably wouldn’t understand about infertility or IVF. In her day, no one was infertile or at least no one talked about in public (or blogged about it!). She might often ask you ‘when are you going to have a baby already?’ Since you don’t want to upset her, you tell her that ‘you don’t know’ or ‘it’s not up to you anymore.’ She will not understand either comment and will conclude that your husband isn’t ready yet. How come no one ever asks him this question?

Mother, Grandmother, you will get a grandchild when the doctor shoves my husband’s sperm into my uterus. Perhaps 4 to 10 years later, you will be able to call yourself ‘grandma.’ Congratulations! Mazel Tov!

And you call yourself a responsible adult!

Did you know that if you have been trying for over two years, you have probably ingested over 1,000 Prenatal Vitamins and thousands of other fertility medications? You have prided yourself for giving up alcohol, not smoking, and reducing your caffeine intake but you seem to have neglected to tell your doctor that you are a bit of a drug addict.

Sometimes you need a hit so bad your husband will stick a needle right in your behind or you will take a pill with your meal right in a public venue. There could be children present you know! But nothing stops you. You might take up to 7 pills a day and then beg your doctor to try another kind if it didn’t have the desire affect. You might even ask him or her to increase your dosage.

And you expect to be a parent and raise children? Someone call social services!

You have a wonderful family of four, except that two of them eat dog and cat food.

You are the proud parents of two beautiful fur children. Does this sound familiar? Your house is set up as if you had kids – you own a baby gate and your house is seemingly childproof. You get up in the middle of the night with them and your weekday mornings typically begin at 6am for a morning walk and feed. You refer to yourself as mommy and daddy and you can’t go on vacation without hiring a babysitter.

Face it, you are a parent except your ‘children’ are far more harrier than your neighbors kids.

The best part about having fur children is that you will always get unconditional love from them, they will stay cute forever and they will always love what you made for dinner. They will never talk back to you, fail out of school or turn to recreational drugs, just for fun. They are happy to cuddle in your bed and even happier to watch you and your husband have sex.

You may not feel like a parent yet but you are.

photo: www.animalink.com/welcomepage.htm