How do you go shopping when you think you might get pregnant soon?

Infertility really takes the fun out of shopping. Remember when this retail therapy use to be fun? Now, you go into clothing stores and wonder if you should purchase those jeans or that small t-shirt if you might be pregnant soon. Why spend money on clothes if they won’t fit in a few months? No matter how many months or years, you’ve been trying, this thought still crosses your mind. Spending $100 on a shirt would be fine but what if I can only wear it once?

You might think to yourself, ‘I might as well purchase these jeans, I’m not getting pregnant anyways.’ Then you end up spending money AND leaving the store angry. Only an infertile shopper could buy a new pair of jeans and feel upset at the same time.

And please, stop glaring at the maternity store when you walk by. Whatever you do, don’t go in.

A true infertile knows how to spell Endometriosis without having to google it first.

Does this sound like you?

You can spell Endometriosis with your eyes closed and you refer to your PCOS by its full name ‘Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.’ You know exactly what a varicocele is and you know that your husband has ‘male tube blockages’ rather than just plain old low sperm count.

You are convinced that people think you sound fancy or extremely intelligent when you use these large words. At parties, people assume you are a doctor when you discuss your latest Sonohysterography. “Oh my” You will laugh, “the nurse just saw a splendid image of my uterine cavity with her 5-f catheter.” You will soon be known in your circle of friends as bookish, sophisticated and knowledgeable. “My diagnostic laparoscopy was a whirlwind yesterday. ” You might say. “And those inquisitive fibroids presented no damage to my blocked fallopian tubes.” (Using a British accent is recommended).

Just think of all the new social groups that will beg you to join their elite circles!

You are one fabulous ‘polycystic ovary syndrome – premature ovulation failure – hyperprolactinemia – hormonal imbalanced’ female!

We all know one of these women.

The ‘insensitive infertile’ is a woman who seems to forget she’s ever had a problem getting pregnant. During her infertility struggles, she moaned and complained (similar to us) and later went on to have a normal pregnancy. She now rejoices in her pregnancy and seems to forget that you are still having troubles. She makes snide comments and even jokes around with you about your situation. She announces her pregnancy with glee and spends most of your conversations bragging about her baby shower and her new Bug-a-boo.

The insensitive infertile might have PCOS or Endometriosis or perhaps unexplained infertility. She is just like us but the only difference is she also has a short term memory. You simply cannot believe her insensitivity knowing that she had experienced it herself. You truly understand insensitivity from women who never experienced infertility but from someone who has?

Unbelievable!

The good news is you will never be an ‘insensitive infertile’ when you get pregnant. You have a very good memory – just ask your husband and that big-breasted woman he was ogling on your vacation 4 years ago.

No, the double pregnancy news does not mean ‘twins,’ it means hearing the same pregnancy news twice.

Your friend has gleefully told you she was expecting. You cheered too but inside your heart was aching and you had no idea how you were going to finish your sandwich without choking on your own sorrow. But you quickly realize that you will soon be hearing the same news at least three times more. To your horror, you are meeting with your newly pregnant friend for dinner with a bunch of other girls in a few days. But none of these other women know yet. You realize that you will have to hear the news all over again.

Is it easier to hear the same pregnancy news a second time?

In this case, you can at least mentally prepare yourself or at least pre-drink before the outing. But in the end, it won’t matter. You can prepare yourself all you want but if Aunt Flow arrives that day, no amount of mental preparation will help.

Here are some ways to cope for the double pregnancy news:

1) You can ruin it for her. As soon as your friends arrive, shout out her news before she gets the chance.
2) Upstage her. Do a drastic change to your hair or make-up and wear a revealing cocktail dress, even to a casual restaurant.
3) Bring up inappropriate conversation. Chat about the high statistics for miscarriages or a funeral that you recently attended.
4) Agree with her when she says she’s fat.
4) Cancel the dinner. You cannot attend because you will be traveling to an exotic destination (then don’t pick up your phone for two weeks so your friends will think you’re out of town).

Those seem like pretty healthy ways to cope.

You’ve heard many of your girlfriends say that their husbands or partners ‘just knew’ they were pregnant before they did.

Why doesn’t this work for you?

On more than one occasion your DH has been convinced you were pregnant. He would wake up in the morning and tell you about this wonderful dream he had about your baby. Other times, he would take a look at you and say that you looked different that day, almost like you had a maternal glow. Those simple words made your day, and you were convinced that your husband knew something you didn’t. Once your hubby even placed his hand on your belly and thought that he felt a different type of ‘energy or heat’ that couldn’t be explained. Well, you must have been pregnant. Right? But the next day he couldn’t feel the ‘energy’ anymore. You were in a bad mood all day. Those simple words from DH can change your mood in an instant. You can go from feeling absolutely depressed to being convinced that you are a new mother-to-be.

Maybe other husbands/partners just ‘know’ but next time yours thinks something might be different, tell him to be 100 percent sure before telling you.

After all, he will suffer the severe moody consequences.