Congratulations to Suzie, the 56 year old chimpanzee for getting pregnant so quickly. “The zoo director said Suzie was taken off birth control because of medical concerns – and because zoo officials didn’t think she would get pregnant at her age.”
Wait. A 56 year old chimp goes off birth control and gets pregnant right away? She’s a little hairy. Shouldn’t she have PCOS or something? Yup. Still jealous of a pregnant chimp.
You know you’re infertile when you look at fertility websites on a Saturday night. Isn’t it bad enough that you obsess about infertility during the weekdays, but why must you spend your Saturday nights surfing the internet and asking Doctor Google if you might be pregnant? Continue reading »
Sometimes you just need to search for those inspirational quotes that make your bad infertility days seem a little bit better. Maybe you even googled “Infertility inspirational quotes” for sources of much needed hope, strength, and perseverance. Continue reading »
RING. RING.
You– “Hi (fertile friend). Just calling to say hello.”
“Nice to hear from y— JESSICA, GET OFF THE SOFA!—- How are things with you and—TOMMY, DO YOU HAVE A POOPIE DIAPER AGAIN? — Sorry ’bout that, what were you sayi— ONE MORE SCREAM AND YOU’RE SITTING IN THE CORNER, YOUNG LADY.” Continue reading »
You are sitting at a nice restaurant, trying NOT to think about infertility, when all of a sudden you see someone who looks very familiar to you — “Honey, isn’t that our Reproductive Endocrinologist over at table seven?” Continue reading »
Remember in high school when your boyfriend dumped your silly ass? Every love song you played (on your tape recorder) made you sob uncontrollably. Now, the same goes for infertility. Continue reading »
You have a secret infertile fantasy. You fantasize that you will somehow get pregnant naturally. Naturally meaning the good ole fashion “bing, bang, boom” way. You really believe that could happen even if you have no fallopian tubes, your eggs keep breaking, and his two-headed sperms keep crashing into one another. Continue reading »
There are movies about pregnancy, films about babies and flicks about the happily married couple who accidentally got pregnant on their honeymoon. How about realistic movie where the main character is a bitter and jealous infertile? A movie where the main character analyzes the toilet paper, sobs about getting her period and has facial hair due to PCOS! Continue reading »
Oh beautiful implantation bleeding. How we hunt for you but rarely find you. Implantation bleeding or spotting is that beautiful flow of blood that some pregnant women have about 9 days after ovulation. Unfortunately for you, the only blood hiding in your underpants comes from your period. Continue reading »
You have been to your fair share of kids birthday parties. You received your pity infertile invitation to little Mindy’s 1st birthday party but spent the entire party hanging out with your uterus, chatting with your ovaries, and tearfully listening to your mommy friends talk about breast milk and poopy diapers.
But somewhere along the way the birthday invitations stopped coming. No one said it aloud but “IF YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS, YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO THE PARTY.” Continue reading »
Another Fertility Patient: “How long have you been at this fertility clinic. I’ve been here two months now.” You: “This is my first appointment.” LIAR. Continue reading »
Many infertile women wonder how in the heck did she get pregnant after only one fertility treatment? It’s bad enough to be jealous of pregnant women who get knocked up naturally, but why must you become envious of infertile women too? You’re embarrassed to admit it but you are jealous of women who got pregnant after their first IUI or IVF treatment. Continue reading »
Ever seen one of these signs? Sometimes they are innocently hanging in a bathroom stall or on the wall at your local restaurant. But for you, all you see is the word PREGNANCY flashing before your eyes. And the sign makes you cry. Continue reading »
Finally a contest with Balls.
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“My friend’s dry cleaner’s daughter also took Clomid. Do you want her phone number?”
The second someone finds out you’re having fertility issues, they automatically want to connect you to someone with similar issues. Well meaning as they are, sometimes we just don’t want to call a complete stranger just because she has a similar blocked fallopian tube. Continue reading »
You love your husband/partner. But sometimes you wonder ‘Hey. What if I had sex with multiple partners this month, would I get pregnant then?’ You wonder this inside your head but wouldn’t really say it out loud. Continue reading »
You are not infertile. After you’ve been trying for over a year, your doctor classifies you as infertile; wikipedia says you’re having infertility issues and Doctor Google and the rest of the Internet says you’re a definite infertile. Continue reading »
Why spend money on pregnancy tests anymore when you can just fill out this online pregnancy test called “Am I Pregnant?”. Finally, an online pregnancy test so intelligent that it doesn’t need urine or a blood test to determine if you’re expecting. Continue reading »
There’s one… There’s one… There’s one… Oh wait. She’s just fat. Thank goodness.
Every time you leave the house, it feels like every single pregnant woman on earth decides to walk past you. Every place you turn, someone’s pregnant, sporting a baby bump, pushing a stroller or even worse, pushing a stroller with a baby inside AND holding onto a toddler’s hand. Continue reading »
Father’s Day can be a difficult time for couple’s struggling with infertility issues. So instead of ignoring the day and spending it in tears, why not get your special guy a little something special… Continue reading »
You measure your lack of pregnancies by that stupid dentist appointment. “No Doctor Head Gear. I’m still not pregnant yet but thanks for asking.” Continue reading »
Where can you get a quickie fertility treatment? You can get your lips enlarged within 20 minutes; your butt enhanced in a day, and even laser eye treatment can be completed over your lunch hour! Where is our quickie fertility treatments? Continue reading »
Does this sound like you? You have had internal dialogues with your uterus, follicles and even his sperm, asking them to get your pregnant, so why not chat with your beta blood test bottle as well! Continue reading »
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