No! Not the back-to-school photos! You are dreading this moment. It’s back-to-school time and there are going to be Facebook photos. Your friends have already updated their status’ with: “Little Marta is going to school for the first time!” and “Tiny Timmy wants to wear his Elvis outfit for his first day of school!” Continue reading »
Sep 06
Possibly the worst advice you can ever give an infertile – Just relax and it will happen. Are you KIDDING us? The only thing that’s relaxed right now is our sperms because they don’t seem to be swimming. Continue reading »
Aug 30
Congratulations to Suzie, the 56 year old chimpanzee for getting pregnant so quickly. “The zoo director said Suzie was taken off birth control because of medical concerns – and because zoo officials didn’t think she would get pregnant at her age.”
Wait. A 56 year old chimp goes off birth control and gets pregnant right away? She’s a little hairy. Shouldn’t she have PCOS or something? Yup. Still jealous of a pregnant chimp.
Suzie and her newborn baby who we have already named “What the F$#K”
Aug 15
RING. RING.
You– “Hi (fertile friend). Just calling to say hello.”
“Nice to hear from y— JESSICA, GET OFF THE SOFA!—- How are things with you and—TOMMY, DO YOU HAVE A POOPIE DIAPER AGAIN? — Sorry ’bout that, what were you sayi— ONE MORE SCREAM AND YOU’RE SITTING IN THE CORNER, YOUNG LADY.” Continue reading »
Aug 08
You are sitting at a nice restaurant, trying NOT to think about infertility, when all of a sudden you see someone who looks very familiar to you — “Honey, isn’t that our Reproductive Endocrinologist over at table seven?” Continue reading »
Aug 05
Remember in high school when your boyfriend dumped your silly ass? Every love song you played (on your tape recorder) made you sob uncontrollably. Now, the same goes for infertility. Continue reading »
Aug 02
You have a secret infertile fantasy. You fantasize that you will somehow get pregnant naturally. Naturally meaning the good ole fashion “bing, bang, boom” way. You really believe that could happen even if you have no fallopian tubes, your eggs keep breaking, and his two-headed sperms keep crashing into one another. Continue reading »
Jul 27
Oh beautiful implantation bleeding. How we hunt for you but rarely find you. Implantation bleeding or spotting is that beautiful flow of blood that some pregnant women have about 9 days after ovulation. Unfortunately for you, the only blood hiding in your underpants comes from your period. Continue reading »
Jul 26
You have been to your fair share of kids birthday parties. You received your pity infertile invitation to little Mindy’s 1st birthday party but spent the entire party hanging out with your uterus, chatting with your ovaries, and tearfully listening to your mommy friends talk about breast milk and poopy diapers.
But somewhere along the way the birthday invitations stopped coming. No one said it aloud but “IF YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS, YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO THE PARTY.” Continue reading »
Jul 22
Another Fertility Patient: “How long have you been at this fertility clinic. I’ve been here two months now.” You: “This is my first appointment.” LIAR. Continue reading »
Jul 20
Many infertile women wonder how in the heck did she get pregnant after only one fertility treatment? It’s bad enough to be jealous of pregnant women who get knocked up naturally, but why must you become envious of infertile women too? You’re embarrassed to admit it but you are jealous of women who got pregnant after their first IUI or IVF treatment. Continue reading »
Jul 12
Finally a contest with Balls.
Check out our NEW contest and win some balls that actually may work to get you pregnant. Visit our Cool Contest page for more details.
Jul 06
You love your husband/partner. But sometimes you wonder ‘Hey. What if I had sex with multiple partners this month, would I get pregnant then?’ You wonder this inside your head but wouldn’t really say it out loud. Continue reading »
Jun 29
You are not infertile. After you’ve been trying for over a year, your doctor classifies you as infertile; wikipedia says you’re having infertility issues and Doctor Google and the rest of the Internet says you’re a definite infertile. Continue reading »
Jun 27
Why spend money on pregnancy tests anymore when you can just fill out this online pregnancy test called “Am I Pregnant?”. Finally, an online pregnancy test so intelligent that it doesn’t need urine or a blood test to determine if you’re expecting. Continue reading »
Jun 21
Father’s Day can be a difficult time for couple’s struggling with infertility issues. So instead of ignoring the day and spending it in tears, why not get your special guy a little something special… Continue reading »
Jun 14
You measure your lack of pregnancies by that stupid dentist appointment. “No Doctor Head Gear. I’m still not pregnant yet but thanks for asking.” Continue reading »
Jun 06
Does this sound like you? You have had internal dialogues with your uterus, follicles and even his sperm, asking them to get your pregnant, so why not chat with your beta blood test bottle as well! Continue reading »
Jun 01
Only an infertile could have fake morning sickness.
During your two week wait, there are several occasions where you feel nauseated or think you feel sick. Maybe you’ll wake up in the morning and you feel like you are hit with a wave of nausea. You feel both awful and excitedly happy thinking that you must be pregnant. Continue reading »
May 31
Sure. It seemed like a great idea at the time. I’ll just take an early pregnancy test and then I can surprise my husband/partner with the great news. Continue reading »
May 26
From the infamous father who stuck his kid in a hot air balloon to Jesse James, who is probably a baby daddy to many, how come these men get to be fathers?
Father of the Year definitely does not go to… Continue reading »
May 26
Infertility Definitions Explained….
Pregtember – the name of the month you hope to get pregnant by. Continue reading »
May 20
fertility
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New Contest Alert!
Enter to win a fabulous Fertility Meditation DVD or ipod download from Circle & Bloom. Contest closes May 26, 2010.
Enter here and give your uterus a relaxing break —> http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/cool-contests/
May 20
Well, obviously. You read this infertile blog all the time! Continue reading »
May 16
And you were the first one to start trying!
Yes, it’s both ironic and horrible. You wanted to be the first one of your friends to have a baby. Now, many months/years/decades later they have all gotten pregnant and some of them are even on baby #2. First Mindy got pregnant, then it was Molly, then Mary, and then very quickly, everyone in your circle of friends sported a baby bump. Continue reading »
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