Dec 30
Congratulations to the Infertile “Winners” of 2009.
- Congratulations to the Duggar Family from the reality TV show, 18 Kids & Counting
on the birth of their 19th child! Proud parents Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar welcome another baby into their large fertile family. Congratulations big daddy on your exceptional sperm count and a uterus that seems to get pregnant on the first try every single time. Are they going to keep re-naming the television show after she reaches 30 and Counting? Mazel Tov from the entire infertile community.
- Remember Thomas Beatie? He is believed to be the world’s first ‘pregnant man.’ He gave birth to TWO children while some of us with working vaginal parts can’t even get pregnant with one.
- Octomom and single mother, Nadya Suleman gave birth to octuplets through In Vitro Fertilisation, and now has her own reality show. Hey Nadya, how did you afford the treatment and where can we find your discounted fertility clinic? We’d be happy to take a baby or two off your hands!
- Congratulations to Brad and Angelina on 8 children within 5 years! You make adopting and getting pregnant look so simple!
Dec 28
Is it your period or is it implantation bleeding? It’s a special moment in your marriage when your husband suddenly becomes the ‘Sanitary Napkin Expert.’
“Let me see,” he will say as you sit on the toilet analyzing your red colored urine and spotting pad. Initially, you will refuse but since you have no shame left, you will let him see. He will stand over the toilet bowl observing the color of your urine and review your diaper-like sanitary pad. He suddenly becomes the expert in blood clots and your menstrual cycle. “The right side of the pad looks slightly browner than the left with a consistent circular pattern,” he observes. “And your urine definitely looks more pink than yellow. This coming from the man who once thought your Maxi Pad was a mini pillow for a small dog. Now, he examines and analyzes almost as much as you do.
If you don’t think this will happen to you and your partner, just wait. He will become the Sanitary Napkin Expert one day.
Dec 24
It’s another New Years Eve, and you hoped and prayed that this year you would have a baby or at least be pregnant. Instead, you plan to ring in the New Year with a bag of potato chips and a bottle of vodka, for one. But who would want to have a boring 2009 pregnancy anyways? Yawn. Snore. 2009 brought the world the recession, the H1N1 pandemic and the death of Michael Jackson. Who could be pregnant during such negativity anyways? 2010 is filled with renewed hope and strength that you are stronger and can get through anything. 2010 brings better looking babies, smarter children and toddlers that will change the world. 2010 is YOUR year!
Your 2010 New Years Resolutions:
- To cry and obsess about infertility more often. You should take the time to cry in different public places.
- To buy toilet paper in bulk so you can inspect the TP more frequently without worrying about running out.
- Be environmentally conscious. Re-use pregnancy tests for other uses including donating them to the arts & craft departments at your local schools or giving them to less fortune knocked up teenagers.
Crying about infertility is so 2009. Happy New Year!
Dec 24
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The Scenario:
You are dreading signs of your period, and you go to the toilet in a dimly lit restaurant. You pee, you wipe and then you look. But wait! The restroom is dimly lit and it is too dark to see the toilet paper. YIKES! You squint your eyes and try to stare at that TP from every angle. Is that a red smudge or is it just too dark to see properly? You try to hold the paper up to cracks of light in the door but no luck. Maybe if you stand on the toilet you can see better or perhaps you should take the toilet paper out of the stall to the sink area. “Just inspecting the toilet paper,” You will tell the other ladies. If any of them are infertile, they will understand. Maybe also try carrying a flashlight or a box of matches. Lighting a match in a restroom stall seems like a great idea.
photo: here
Dec 23
The day before your expected period is a beautiful day filled with hope.
Although you’re quite sure there’s no way you’re pregnant, you actually have a tiny bit of hope left. This is the day where a pregnancy announcement can occur and you actually feel some happiness for them, instead of wanting to slit your wrists. After all, you might be pregnant too. You feel like your period will come any second and you are experiencing all the classic fake pregnancy symptoms. Your left breast seems heavier than usual, your right nipple seems darker, and that headache that you always get before your period hasn’t arrived yet. You may just “know” you’re not pregnant but you secretly have that bit of hope that you are. You may run to the toilet every few minutes to check for redness OR you may avoid the toilet altogether so you won’t see the inevitable. You can always believe that the wetness in your underwear is from leftover urine from a previous restroom trip. Yeah right.
The day of hope feels great and awful all in one. You just want to know but yet you don’t. You want to hold onto hope a few minutes longer.
Recent Comments