Feb 28
Reason suggested by Tiffany.
No! Telling you how much her kids daycare costs does not make you feel better about not being able to get pregnant. Telling you that she has not slept in 2 years does not make you feel better. Asking if you “still want one” after seeing her child have a temper tantrum does not make you feel better. Yes, unhelpful mommy friend, I still want to have a baby.
“We spent $30,000 a year on baby Timmy’s daycare; $40,000 on little Carol’s private school for the gifted… Are you sure you still want a baby? They are sooooo expensive.” Wow. Continue reading »
Feb 24
Always get a negative pregnancy test? Have you ever seen two lines on a pee stick? Here are some helpful ways to achieve your BFP. Continue reading »
Feb 23
Trying for a baby means you have a lot of sex.
But for someone having all this baby-making fun, where do all those sperms go? In “normal” fertile couples, they ‘do it,’ and his millions of sperms swim frantically until one breaks through the egg. In your case, his little generals seem to enjoy one last bachelor party in your cervical mucus water park, get hungover and completely forget to swim into your uterus. But where do they go? You have just been inserted with millions (or for those lower semen counts, just a handful) of sperms but Continue reading »
Feb 21
Gee Wiz!
How come you can’t just be truly sick anymore without people thinking you’re pregnant? You have a headache; people assume you’re pregnant, You’re tired, people assume you’re pregnant; You have a wart; people assume you’re pregnant. You can no longer feel ill without some nosy co-worker, relative, friend, grandparent or mother-in-law asking if you’re expecting. God help it if you call into work sick, the following day, Continue reading »
Feb 17
No doubt, your parents, mother-in-law, relative or friend has said to you: “Is there something you want to tell me?”
Translation
ARE YOU PREGNANT YET?
ARE YOU EXPECTING?
AM I A GRANDMOTHER YET?
You give the customary and polite “No, nothing yet” response but inside you are fuming. You don’t walk into somebody else’s home and Continue reading »
Feb 16
These people can be parents and we can’t? Can you say “Balloon Boy?”
Continue reading »
Feb 14
Watch out for those Progesterone side effects. But perhaps two vagina’s would get us pregnant quicker.
photo: here
Feb 14
“I love you, darling. Now kindly stay away from my vaginal area.”
It’s Valentine’s Day and while all other couples are romantically embracing, you must tell your sweetheart that your vagina is off limits today. You can’t have sex for a number of reasons including (but not limited to):
- You have timed intercourse and you had sex yesterday. If you ‘do him in’ today that will throw off your entire schedule, and he can’t be shooting blanks.
- You just had an IUI/IVF and you don’t want to jiggle and jangle your body.
- You are having a Valentine’s Day period! Aunt Flow just showed without flowers and is all red in the face.
- You are in an IVF cycle and you are under doctor’s orders NOT to have intercourse.
- You are recovering from your fifth miscarriage.
- You would have sex but a negative pregnancy test just made you not in the mood.
- You have the off limits vagina. You have just inserted nine vaginal suppositories into your hoo ha, and no one would want to explore that territory right now.
- You’ve had baby making sex over 3,000 times this year. You just don’t want to do it.
Valentine’s Day infertility rocks!
Feb 10
The conversation you never want to have with your parents.
“Mom, dad, we have something to tell you. We are having fertility problems. We did a Hysterosalpingogram with our Reproductive Endocrinologist and found out I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and husband suffers from Oligoasthenoteratozoospermia, Azoospermia or Oligospermaesthenia. We are going to try an Intrauterine Insemination before attempting In Vitro Fertilisation with Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection. If that doesn’t work, we’ll just take your super advice of ‘just relax and it will happen.”
No guy wants to know that his penis suffers from Oligoasthenoteratozoospermia, Oligospermaesthenia meaning poor sperm motility or Teratozoospermia meaning abnormal morphology in sperm. If male infertility isn’t funny, why must they give his penile diagnosis such long and complicated names? If low sperm count wasn’t bad enough, telling the guys that he has Oligospermia with a hint of Teratozoospermia doesn’t make him feel all that proud. Why don’t they re-name male infertility to a more masculine medical diagnosis like “Largethinglackingsperm,” “Powerfulpenialspermia” or even “Bigontheoutsidebutemptyonthein.”
Your hubby suffers from Oligoasthenoteratozoospermia. Now try saying that tongue twister three times fast!
Feb 08
Your friend just had a baby.
You are soooo happy for her even if it only took her one month to get pregnant. You are definitely 90 percent genuinely happy for her and 10 percent envious. After all, she is your BFF, you should feel happy for her.
When you first found out she was pregnant, you cried. Your tears were 99 percent excitement for her and 1 percent tearful jealousy. She tried to break the news gently but you sweetly said “forget about it. I am so genuinely happy for you.” Even as her belly grew and you planned her baby shower, you were still soooo happy for her. Maybe 80 percent happiness and 20 percent jealousy. But of course, no one wants to hear that you’re jealous, so you just kept that part to yourself. You watched her post her “Bump Alert” photos on Facebook and felt obligated to comment on each photo so you weren’t the jealous infertile friend. “OMG, your belly looks sooooo cute!” “Look at how perky your breasts are!” Each time you saw her, you asked the customary “can I touch your belly?” question.
You were so freakin’ happy for her. Definitely 70 percent happiness, 20 percent jealousy, 5 percent guilt for feeling envious and 5 percent anger towards her for getting pregnant before you. Baby arrives. You feel genuine excitement and call up everyone to spread the happy news. You don’t feel a hint of jealousy. Well. Maybe only 40 percent. But the rest is genuine happiness, you promise.
photo: here
Feb 07
Infertility is no joking matter. But if it was, these would be the jokes….
How does an RE like his eggs?
Over 20mm!
Why did the RE cross the road?
Because there was an affluent, infertile woman in her 30s on the other side.
Why does it take 50 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because they won’t ask for directions either!
Two sperm were swimming through a woman’s body.
The first said, “Whew. I’m getting tired. Just how far is it to the uterus?”
“The uterus?” the second laughed. “We’re not even past the esophagus yet!”
You know you are trying to get pregnant when…Someone asks you today’s date and you reply “Day 21″ . . .
Why do gypsies have trouble getting pregnant?
They have crystal balls.
How many infertility patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Screw in a lightbulb! Hmmm . . . do you think it might help? . . .
Clomid, Progesterone and Laughter are the best medicines!
Fertility jokes from here!
Feb 03
You purchase a lot of pregnancy tests.
You hate the pregnancy test. Sometimes you’re excited to take the test but most of the time, you don’t know why you bought it in the first place. Pregnancy tests are costly, drive you to depression and 99.9 per cent of the time, the results are negative. You just threw your money down the toilet. Literally. The sad news is that you will probably have to buy them again and again. So what can you do with all those leftover tests? Don’t throw them out. Re-use and Return!
- Return the negative tests to the store claiming that it did not have the desired results. You were not 100% satisfied with the product. Try scratching out the (one) line using an eraser or a marker so the test looks (almost) brand new!
- Use the leftover tests as drum sticks and form a killer rock band called “The Infertile and the Negatives.” Then audition for American Idol.
- Plant the negative tests in a garden planter and try to grow a baby. Two negatives equal a positive, right?
- Draw two lines on every negative stick. Next time a nosy relative asks if you’re pregnant, throw the tests at her and scream “Of course I am. Here’s the proof, grandma!”
- Give them out as party favors when attending your next baby shower.
See. Those negative pregnancy tests can be fun!
photo: here
Feb 01
Your friend is pregnant. You know because every day she posts pictures of her growing belly on Facebook, and then you spend hours crying during her baby shower.
But do you really have to play the extremely un-fun game of “Guess your Due Date” as well? This ‘game’ starts when your friend’s due date is nearing, and everyone is invited to play. People gleefully play the game, giggling “January 1… No! I’m guessing January 3 instead.” You might even play just to show you are a stable infertile and completely not jealous of her pregnancy. But with every good game, there should be a prize. So what do you actually win? I think it’s fair to suggest, you should win her baby. Just a joke, of course. You say to her husband with a strange high pitch laugh. You are also a fan of “Guess the name” and “Is it a boy or a girl?” But how about “Guess how much baby weight she’s gained?” or “Guess how long it took her to get knocked up?”
Now, they should participate your super fun games too. “Guess when you’ll finally conceive” or “Guess how many IUI’s you’ll have to do before getting pregnant” is always a fan favorite. Correct answers are the years 2011 through 2066 and 6 to 10 IUIs.
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