Step 1: Expect arrival of your period
Step 2: Check toilet paper hourly
Step 3: Feel slightly hopeful when your period is 30 minutes late
Step 4: Keep checking toilet paper hourly
Step 5: Light spotting
Step 6: Insert swear word
Step 7: Begin crying on the toilet
Step 8: Random thoughts include: “Is this really my period or is it implantation bleeding?”
Step 9: You still remain 1% hopeful but you just know it’s over
Step 10: Check toilet paper again
Step 11: Bleeding gets heavier. Infertile sobbing and runny nose begins
Step 12: You don’t have any tampons/pads because you refused to buy them last month. Run to store
Step 13: Another pair of underpants ruined
Step 14: More tears and increased moodiness begins. Husband/partner doesn’t understand why you’re crying on the toilet seat
Step 15: Call fertility clinic and sob into the phone… “Hi, it’s Infertile (insert your name). I’m calling on my Day One….”
Step 16: Screw you, Folic Acid pills. You are not taking any this week
Step 17: Buy a large decaf highly caffeinated coffee, chocolate and a bottle of wine. Enjoy
Repeat next month.
The Period. Punctuation for the end but also meaning a new beginning and starting fresh.
That’s it to a T. I’ve been there too many times… And the reason there are no tampons in the house is because I refused to buy them fearing they would jinx my chance of pregnancy.
This sums up my yesterday perfectly.
Went through that cycle too many times to count! It’s like grieving a loss over and over again. And I’m notorious for the “maybe it’s implantation bleeding”.
But then, one day, you will all have that moment when you take a HPT, not expecting anything to come of it (because you convinced yourself from day 3 of your cycle that it would fail), and be absolutely SHOCKED and dumbfounded to see a second line show up….
I’ve gotten to the point where I purposely buy tons of tampons, just to trick Aunt Flo into thinking I want her to come, so she’ll stay away. So has it worked? No.
This was me yesterday!!! There REALLY needs to be a Share on Facebook button!
Lol! I’ve got the opposite problem. Day 30 creeps by and by Day 1 I’m running to the bathroom with hope . . . nope no period yet.
Day 10- It’s normal to be a little late.
Day 20- Take a pregnancy test “just in case” negative
Day 30- Maybe I have an every-other-month type of uterus. Another test, neg
Day 40- Ok, I could have gotten pregnant right after I took the first test which would explain why I didn’t test positive. Another test, neg
Day 50- Pimples start appearing, I’m moody, I want chocolate, this is it, it’s gonna happen this time, another test (cuz it could also be hormones from being pregnant) neg
Day 60- I could be 2 months along and not even know it, another test, neg.
Day 70- Call up the doctor and let him know I failed, again. He says to take a prego test to make sure, another test, still neg.
Day 80- Restart medications, get bloated and pray that it works this time.
I think my husband is secretly happy that he doesn’t have to deal with the mood swing and such. I’m starting to find it all very entertaining. Really! Who in their right mind would pray to have a period! lol!
@KC–oh my….that’s a very long cycle to wait to find out if you’re pregnant or not.
“Went through that cycle too many times to count! It’s like grieving a loss over and over again. And I’m notorious for the “maybe it’s implantation bleeding”.
But then, one day, you will all have that moment when you take a HPT, not expecting anything to come of it (because you convinced yourself from day 3 of your cycle that it would fail), and be absolutely SHOCKED and dumbfounded to see a second line show up….”
I hope you’re right!!!! I’ve cried waaaay too many bathroom tears over that one illusive damn pink line for there not to be a happy ending out there for me!
xoxo
Twice now I’ve convinced myself that its not really my period…its definatly implantation bleeding. Nope.just a normal period that happened to come a day late just so I get a little bit hopeful.
I Love your blog! This is just what I needed! So many times I have tried to convince myself it wasn’t AF.
yep sounds pretty familar…..how do u know the thoughts going thru my head….lol
I told myself every single month that it was implantation bleeding and would take a HPT after my period was over! Now I don’t even bother taking the test- apparently one has to have sperm in order to fertilize an egg… who would have thought!
Sums me up perfectly except mine starts about 2 days after ovulation with sore boobs and a little nausea here and there.
this could have not been said any better!! this made me smile, and its been awhile thanks!!
Happened to me a number of times in 8 years.. used to cry a lot .. but nowhave left worrying, enjoying (??) being childless
I had to read this bc the title captured my eye, and I DEF needed a laugh today bc this THIS described my day perfectly! So I’m both happy and devastated bc this is my first time visiting a blog on my way to looking into infertility support groups bc I can’t take the heartbreak anymore.. So this is my first time reading other ppl’s woes and seeing I’m not alone but it’s like coming to terms w the reality.. It sucks but despite going into my 4th yr of trying and all the clomid prescrips I’ve gone through Im not ready to give up yet!
Thank you for this laugh. My experience a couple of days ago, EXACTLY. Except, there was a LOT of praying in there too….”God, PLEASE! PLEASE!” And I got my period. In other news, are there a LOT of people pregnant right now… or is it just me? Everyone from Jessica Simpson to Beyonce. Bleh.
LOL, I had such a good laugh at this… seriously needed one today too. The folic acid part cracked me up, because this was my very thought.
Thank you for the post!!
Kim D, you’re right. Everyone is pregnant. Michelle Duggar just announced she’s pregnant with number 20 – I mean really! That’s simultaneously ridiculous and unfair.
Omg, this is exactly what I go through every month… Down to a T. My best friend and I made a bet. If I get preggos within a certain amount of time, I’ll eat a peanut butter and mustard sandwich (how disgusting is that). My point here is, I am trying to trick life into thinking that I do NOT want to eat that pb and mustard sandwich… So life will get me pregnant in order to force me to eat that sandwich. So far, it has not worked. I hope my twisted logic makes any sense here.
Damn you, Aunt Flo! (shaking fist).
Seriously, have you been hiding in my bathroom, spying on me? The tampon part just killed me! I never buy them, hoping this refusal will somehow magically manifest a baby. Just manifests a big mess every month!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this blog. In a world of fertiles who JUST DON’T GET IT, it is wonderful to find funny, intelligent fellow infertility warriors to commiserate with.
So right on. At least I feel like I am not insane now! Love it!
Thank you thank you thank you for making me laugh! This is so true! These posts are just priceless to me right now. I’ll definitely be back!
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One thing I do when that dreaded first spotting arrives is I quickly change my pantyliner to a brand new one…and pretend I did not see the previous spotting. When another drop of blood arrives, I repeat the procedure…eventually telling myself that “with this brand new pantiliner, no spotting will occur.” It’s a whole day of pure denial hell until I break down into uncontrollable tears knowing that AF has arrived again.