How come you can’t just be truly sick anymore without people thinking you’re pregnant? You have a headache; people assume you’re pregnant, You’re tired, people assume you’re pregnant; You have a wart; people assume you’re pregnant. You can no longer feel ill without some nosy co-worker, relative, friend, grandparent or mother-in-law asking if you’re expecting. God help it if you call into work sick, the following day, Continue reading »
These people can be parents and we can’t? Can you say “Balloon Boy?”
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Your friend just had a baby.
You are soooo happy for her even if it only took her one month to get pregnant. You are definitely 90 percent genuinely happy for her and 10 percent envious. After all, she is your BFF, you should feel happy for her.
When you first found out she was pregnant, you cried. Your tears were 99 percent excitement for her and 1 percent tearful jealousy. She tried to break the news gently but you sweetly said “forget about it. I am so genuinely happy for you.” Even as her belly grew and you planned her baby shower, you were still soooo happy for her. Maybe 80 percent happiness and 20 percent jealousy. But of course, no one wants to hear that you’re jealous, so you just kept that part to yourself. You watched her post her “Bump Alert” photos on Facebook and felt obligated to comment on each photo so you weren’t the jealous infertile friend. “OMG, your belly looks sooooo cute!” “Look at how perky your breasts are!” Each time you saw her, you asked the customary “can I touch your belly?” question.
You were so freakin’ happy for her. Definitely 70 percent happiness, 20 percent jealousy, 5 percent guilt for feeling envious and 5 percent anger towards her for getting pregnant before you. Baby arrives. You feel genuine excitement and call up everyone to spread the happy news. You don’t feel a hint of jealousy. Well. Maybe only 40 percent. But the rest is genuine happiness, you promise.
How much baby making sex can you really have?
If you’ve actually counted, maybe 14,786 times. For the last few months/years, you’ve had more baby making sex than a horny teenage boy. And it’s not for pleasure. It’s timed, purposeful and sometimes over quite quickly. “I don’t care if you’re not in the mood, honey. It’s 6:00am and we are doing it right now!” Sometimes (or most times), you hardly feel like doing it but it’s ovulation day and you really have no choice. You do it whether you’ve just had a fight, whether you feel sick or whether you are at home or in a public place. Doctors orders. You must do it.
“Aunt Millie, save us a place at the dinner table. We’ll be downstairs in 20-60 seconds.”
Number of times you’ve had sex in a given year = 14,786
Number of orgasms = 0-3
The chemical pregnancy heartache. Another special moment in infertility.
A chemical pregnancy, meaning a very early miscarriage, where a positive pregnancy test was detected before the woman’s period was due and results in a negative pregnancy test following a period-like bleed.
You were almost there! You had a positive pregnancy test in your hand and something special in your belly. You were just about to throw away your membership to the infertiles club and join the fertile pregnancy club. You and your husband got to celebrate the pregnancy for about 15 minutes when you start to spot. Then you bleed. This doesn’t seem right. Take another pregnancy test. Still positive one day and then negative the next. Well, this is confusing. Are you pregnant or aren’t you? You were so close, and now the moment is gone, leaving a familiar ache in your chest. You wish you could just put a plug down there to stop the bleeding or perhaps some embryo super glue to stick it back in. You will cry for awhile and hurt for a little longer but then you get up, dry your tears, and learn to smile again.
Bloody hell, infertility! Can’t we just get Knocked Up like Katherine Heigl did in that movie or have sex only one time like Juno did?