During your infertility journey, there are times when you are NOT envious of pregnant women. This is a rare occurrence because most times, you are a bitter and jealous infertile and would rather examine a woman’s cervical mucus than look at another belly bump.
Here are the times when you are not (as) jealous of pregnant women:
- Your period is late and you think you could be pregnant.
- Your basal temperature keeps increasing.
- Immediately following an IUI because you might have a chance this month.
- The first two days following an IVF transfer. You are not yet completely obsessing about pregnancy symptoms yet.
During this brief “I’m not as jealous of pregnant women” phase, you may even smile at these women or flash a grin at a passing baby. After all, you could be one of ‘them.’ In those brief moments, you transform from a desperate (secretly) jealous person into the kind, nice woman you use to be before infertility used your heart as a punching bag. If only Child Social Services could see you now. “This nice woman deserves to be a mother. Look, she isn’t even thinking about stealing a baby.” (Not true. You are still thinking about it somewhat).
Here are the times you will transform back into your (secretly) jealous self:
- Your period arrives or you think it’s about to arrive, and you glare at pregnant women.
- You are at the middle/end of your two week wait and you feel no pregnancy symptoms.
- You are at the middle/end of your two week wait and your temperature starts to drop.
- Your latest fertility treatment was canceled.
- Your egg quality sucked during your IUI or IVF. Great. You have no chance now!
After all, at the end of your two week wait, you have already decided the outcome even before testing. It’s a good thing you’re not a doctor.
I’m not as jealous of pregnant women when I’m enjoying a nice ripe blue Brie and a glass of wine. Omnomnom.
I’m also not jealous when I’m enjoying an all inclusive couples only resort!!
Naomi, this post is brilliant!
What WG said.
And also what Rach said.
“(Not true. You are still thinking about it somewhat.)”
HA!
Fabulous.
I find I’m not jealous when it’s an IF sister that I have followed daily through their struggle which is way more difficult than my own. Maybe a little sad and maybe once or twice your brain thinks about stealing a baby again but all in all happy for them. Maybe since they got their baby I’ll be the next in line for mine.
So true…especially the first two days after embryo transfer!!! I’m now two days away from my beta after ivf #1 and just can’t be optimistic….
I think part of me will always be jealous of them…even when I *hopefullly* have a baby of my own I’ll be jealous of how easy it is for others…
I’m ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS jealous of pregnant women…wish to g-d I wasn’t because it’s an awful thing, but I can’t help myself. I don’t even want to *talk* to them. This is difficult at the moment, because I’m in NY, staying at a friend’s apt. A friend who is PREGNANT (of course).
Jealous much
I forgot to mention the pkg of pads I have from my pretampon days that I am saving for post pregnancy. I just cannot get rid of them… so under the sink they sit, and they have moved apartment to apartment with me until we bought our home. There they will stay for the day when i will look forward to having a need for them
That was meant for the last post..oops
I have to say that I’m most jealous if I have pg. “signs” because for some reason, the more signs I have, the more I am convinced that I’m not pg. So if I see a pg. woman then, I think… “yeah right. My temperature rose, AF is 1 day late, and I’m nauseous, but I’m STILL not pregnant!”
And then I’m always right. Ha.
HILARIOUS.
“This nice woman deserves to be a mother. Look, she isn’t even thinking about stealing a baby.” (Not true. You are still thinking about it somewhat).
After 4 years of infertility, I had twins almost 13 years ago. I think I stopped being jealous of pregnant women about 7 months ago, maybe sooner than that.
You can add Time #7 you will revert to your evil, jealous self:
Your husband’s ex-wife posts on Facebook that she “accidently got pregnant” on her honeymoon.
If only I didn’t know where she lived. I would have many fewer fully possible murderous thoughts!
so true!! thinking about taking babies… haha!! I think I will always be jealous as well because it is soooo easy for other people to get pg!!
I have a beautiful 18 month old – I am so, so lucky – and I’m still furiously jealous. Other people get to be so innocent. I wish I could walk around thinking that sex equals pregnant. I wish I didn’t know the ins and outs of the menstrual cycle and the definition of spinnbarkeit! I wish I could see two lines on a pregnancy test and celebrate because a live healthy baby would certainly be there in just eight months.
When friends post “So-and-so is 8 wks pregnant!” on FB I want to smack them. No, that’s not true – I want to BE them.
I strictly recommend not to hold back until you earn enough amount of money to order goods! You can take the mortgage loans or small business loan and feel yourself fine
The truth hurts… and is hilarious when “we” who are in this position can understand and laugh (somewhat) about it because “we” get exactly what this post is about!
I had a total and complete hyst 4.5 yrs ago due to stage 4 endo… (5 years of trying to get pregnant and infertility treatments prior to the hyst) and I don’t have any children… we are trying to adopt, but that takes forever, so in the meantime, I will be jealous of pregnant people…
A woman in my office is 32 weeks along in her pregnancy and she feels the need to tell me EVERYTHING. I politely nod and smile and use every sort of body language I can think of to get away from her, short of shoving her out of my way, and she doesn’t let up. Today she told me that she found out that her friend is due in April. Her exact words: “that means all of my bridesmaid are now pregnant! It must be something in the water!” I just sat at my desk and did my best not to cry. I’m jealous of pregnant women that I don’t even know and will never ever meet.
Ha! I have been trying to get rid of this feeling for years now. Glad to see I’m not alone! I still don’t have any children and have been actively trying for 3 years. My sis in law just text me to inform me that she is preggers with baby #4. Yay (sense my sarcasm here) …I guess!
Yup, 12 years of TTC, a shed load of chemo, PCOS, 6 failed cycles of clomid, am now 36, all equals no pregnancy, also one sibling now pg, can’t say I manage a genuine smile at a pregnant lady, think I’ve practiced the “smiling with mouth, not eyes” smile a bit too much!