It’s probably not appropriate to “touch” yourself in public. Nor is it deemed appropriate to squeeze the side of your breasts, stare at your nipples, analyze your areola area to see if they look darker, feel the your boobies to see if they are tender, and ask your husband if your breasts are bigger. As an infertile, you are doing some seriously inappropriate activity but it’s okay. You are completely justified.
Being infertile (and pregnancy obsessed) means that you are going to acquire some strange behaviors during your two week “Am I Pregnant?” wait. You touch your breasts almost as often as you examine the toilet paper, AND you do it in public. It’s not that noticeable, you think. It begins innocently with a slight rub to the sides of your breasts while you’re walking down the street. Hey, these juggies feel more swollen than usual. Is this an early pregnancy symptom? You think to yourself. And later, you’re at the mall, and when no one is looking (or so you think), you poke at the side of your breasts. “Mommy, why is that strange lady touching her breasts.” “No, don’t worry, security guard. I am just feeling the sides of my breasts for early pregnancy symptoms…. Yes…. I will leave the shopping mall immediately.”
The longer you’re infertile, the weirder you will become. It starts off with a quiet touch and poke. Then, you will graduate to a more obvious squeezing and asking your hubby if your boobies look larger. And then, you might even do a shot run or bounce down the stairs to see if they still feel swollen. Ok. You might not be the most stable wannabe mom but if a crack smoking teenager with 4 kids already is allowed to have a baby, you will be one fantastic and (semi) normal parent one day.
And you cannot wait.