Want a new way to torture an infertile? Get her to take a pregnancy blood test just after her period has arrived.
You’ve just completed a long and extensive fertility treatment or cycle. You thought you had experienced at least three fake pregnancy symptoms so you were certain that you almost had a chance this month. You had hope…a mild case…but still hope. And then it happened.
Spotting. Cramping. World War three camped out in your underpants. Your period had arrived.
But your beta blood test is scheduled for Wednesday and you still have to go, just to make sure you’re really not pregnant. Your fertility doctor needs to know for sure. And then you start to question yourself. My period is a little less heavy today. Is it really my period? But I had all those cramps a few days ago? My breasts are still hurting. You are 95% sure it’s your period but you still have 5% hope. And you’ve already mourned this cycle. You’ve already sobbed on the toilet seat, cried in front of a client during a business board meeting and been hysterical after watching a car commercial about a mom taking her kids to soccer.
You curse all the way to the blood test. Sadly, watch a lab technician named Pollina poke you in the vein and send a special fertile prayer to the test tube filled with blood to give you a positive. And then you wait for the call. “Sorry, Uterusly-Challenged Sally, but your blood test came back negative,” Cheerful Fertility Nurse says. “Call us on your next day one.” Sobbing occurs again.
Word of advice. Next time you get your period before your scheduled beta blood test, tell your fertility clinic that instead of going for the test, they can just stick your stained underpants in your file instead.