What are you doing this Mother’s Day? A nice brunch? A spa day out with mom? Nope. You will be putting your legs up in stirrups and enjoying a transvaginal wand appointment.
No doubt, you are dreading Mother’s Day (also recognized as National Infertiles Worst Nightmare Day). This is the day where all your mommy friends will be posting photos of their Mother’s Day on Facebook, every Facebook status update will say “Cherish being a Mother today,” and your uterus and ovaries will be secretly laughing at you. Ironically, you will, most likely, have a fertility appointment scheduled on this day. While little kids everywhere are making breakfast in bed for their fertile mother, you will be waking up at 6:00am to drive to your blood and ultrasound appointment, change into a blue gown and sit with the other non-moms while you wait your turn for the fertility doctor to poke around your vagina. “Right side. There is a 1.1 follicle, 1.4 follicle, 0.3 follicle. Left side is quiet,” Your Fertility Doctor will say. Damn you transvaginal wand. Maybe I should have make you breakfast in bed!
Or perhaps you will have an IUI, embryo retrieval or transfer scheduled on this day. That way, you will probably miss out on taking your own mother out for brunch. “Sorry ma. Gotta miss Mother’s Day again this year. We’re getting artificially inseminated.” Doesn’t Hallmark make a greeting card for that occasion?
Mother’s Day is coming up and you WILL survive it. You WILL get through it. You are a mother too. You just haven’t met your baby yet.
I have an appointment the day after Mother’s Day and I am dreading it. It will be my first visit to the clinic since the embryo transfer (which ended in m/c) in December.
My other appointments have been via teleconference since the clinic is 7 hours away.
I love that saying, “you are a mother but you just haven’t met your baby yet.”
I WISH I could miss Mothers’ Day on account of an appointment. No such luck. My mother and MIL aren’t in the area, so I won’t see them in person, but I am going to work diligently to avoid all the mothers I know so I don’t have to wish them a happy Mothers’ Day. AWKWARD…
having just found out that we only have 1 embryo from this IVF cycle and it is not dividing “but they will check once more tomorrow”…..I will be deactivating my facebook account sometime before mother’s day. No way am I putting myself through that hell yet another year. No effin way.
That is a really nice way to put it there at the end. Beautifully said. I think all waiting moms should treat themselves to something special too. Heaven knows you deserve it.
Heh! I’m actually really hoping my retrieval will be on Mother’s Day so I can skip the festivities!!! They can’t make me feel like shit if I’m unconscious and drugged! This is only because my mother lives 1500 miles away and I won’t see her anyway
I am done with fertility treatments after 2 m/c (latest one this past November) and countless IUIs and 3 IVFs so I don’t have to worry about a clinic visit. BUT if someone asks me if I am a mother, I say “Yes I am – and to my dogs and horses also” and have made it absolutely CLEAR to DH that Mother’s Day this year WILL be celebrated at our house (last year I spent the day crying so hard I was hyperventilating) and even left him a catalog with hints for the things the dogs and horses can buy me
I have my miracle now, but can totally relate to this post. A few mother’s days back I was sitting in church and just had a meltdown. Everything that day was about the gift of being a mother, and of course we had been through everything under the sun and only had a few miscarriages to show for it. I was very strong through all of our infertility struggles; I think this was honestly the first time I just broke down. Of course it wasn’t in the privacy of my home but at my in-laws church. If you would like to hear our story of overcoming infertility you can visit me at http://www.ivfsuccessstories.info Try to remember that your time for the facebook pics is coming!
“You are a mother but you just haven’t met your baby yet” is my new mantra – thank you for such hope (and truth!). But I still plan on skipping church this week a public meltdown is guaranteed on Mother’s Day.
I am most likely going to have an appt on Mother’s Day and possibly an ER the next day. I am actually hoping that my appt does end up being on Mother’s Day because then I won’t be at church with all the other young mothers. They usually pass out flowers for the moms too…. and of course they give it to any women there so then I feel super awkward carrying a flower around when everyone around me knows we don’t have kids…. Yeah, I’ll be ok skipping that this year even if it means getting the wand and some blood work instead.
I allready got through Mother´s Day this year, almost a year until next time, 4 weeks after my m/c in week 19.
Yup, no need to say I was crying all day long, missing my freezer-baby.
That was beautifully said at the end, Naomi. Really brought tears to my eyes. I remember Mother’s day being so tough. Mother’s Day and Christmas were as tough as tough gets. I hope you all have gotten your BFP or have a baby/are pregnant this time next year <3
Oh no, I forgot that Mother’s day is Sunday! I was planning on having a nice day out with Dh but I guess I’ll stay home to avoid all the special Mother’s day crap that will no doubt be going on..
I keep telling myself that this day is not about me and what I can’t have but about the wonderful mother and grandmothers that I’ve been blessed with…..it’s not making me feel any better but I’ll keep reminding myself anyway.
I got a BFN yesterday after IVF #4, and when I told my mum, all she said was “Are you disappointed?” She then went on to tell me about all the new baby clothes she’d bought for my brother’s baby. I know it can be hard for family to understand what it’s like going through all this stuff (been trying 4 1/2 years and nothing to show for it), especially if they’ve had no fertility issues themselves, but this year I’ve been burying my head in the sand and pretending I don’t remember that it’s Mother’s Day tomorrow, because I just don’t think I’m up to a family lunch and hearing about my brother’s wonderful baby and how I should just “think positive”. And yet I still feel bad about not making more of an effort…
zedgirl: I am so sorry for your loss, I hope you take the time to grieve and don’t feel bad for it.
That was a great way to end the post! After 10 years of trying and tons of friends and family getting pregnant, we are suffering through another Mother’s Day. I sometimes try to fake it and do like Barney from How I Met Your Mother. He celebrated “Not a Father’s Day.” I fake it and say I will celebrate “Not a Mother’s Day,” but it just isn’t real. We still have no idea what is wrong with me and it is so easy to feel like a failure. You are right about the facebook posts. Someone recently started a list the names, dates, and weights of your children for Mother’s Day. It just makes me upset.
Thanks again.
Jen
Mother’s Day at church is the worst. They hand out plants and make ALL the women stand up so those of us who don’t have kids won’t feel bad. I love celebrating my own mother, but when they try to celebrate me and I’m not even a mom I just want to take that plant and throw it back in their face. I know they are trying to be nice but I wish they would just get real, it’s not Women’s Day, it’s Mother’s Day. I know, I could stay home, but church is too important to me. I just deal with it. Why can’t they hand out big monster cookies like they do on Father’s Day?! I wouldn’t mind that so much, ha!
Hi, I chanced upon this post of yours and I can’t help but LAUGH OUT LOUD… i imagined myself during our wedding anniversary this year, when we were getting artificially inseminated… “Doesn’t Hallmark make a greeting card for that occasion?” Here’s a link to my story of that celebration..
Thanks so much for making us laugh… and finding joy amidst infertility!
I really like what you said at the end: “You are a mother too. You just haven’t met your baby yet.” I think that too. I think all women are mothers whether they actually have children or not.